Choosing Bridesmaids and Their Dresses

Who to choose? What to wear? How to please them? So many questions go into the bridesmaid selection and dress decision. Lately, I’ve had several brides with difficult bridesmaid situations, which means several others are going through these situations also.

Many brides have been planning their wedding for years including who will be their maids. Typically, the list includes family and close friends. I’ve seen some out of obligation, others are self proclaimed bridesmaids. However, they earn their title the bride must keep gracious control of the situation. Beware of being the please all bride, it is impossible and you run the risk of losing the final goal you originally had in mind.

The one thing to remember is the final goal; a Christ honoring ceremony that represents the bride and grooms theme. What will you have left when the ceremony is over? Memories and pictures! If you keep the final goal in mind it will help keep you focused and help you explain your goals and reason for your choices to others.

Planning Tip: Remember when you played paper dolls? Well, one of the best ways to get the picture of how your wedding party will look is to print out pictures of your dress choices and even tux choices (buildatux.com) and lay them out together until you find the look you want.

Maids need to remember their position is supporting the bride. This is not their wedding; they have accepted a position and it should be done out of respect for the bride. If they don’t wish to support her day with a willing heart and pay the expenses that come with the position, (even if they don’t like the dress or the color, that’s part of it) then they should politely ask for another way to help make your day special. I had a bride in tears when her maids encouraged her to get the more expensive dress, because they wanted her to have what she wanted. That was true selflessness and a great example of how bridesmaids should support their bride. Try to help difficult maids see the final goal you have in mind. (show them your paper dolls;)

Once you’ve selected your gown it’s time to select a complimentary bridesmaid gown. That doesn’t mean it has to look just like yours, but you don’t want the maids to be distracting either. When you begin your search limit your help to your maid of honor or a friend that knows your goal and taste and will offer opinions, but not try to sway your decision. Allowing bridesmaids to vote will only result in hurt feelings for you or the maids. The bride, feeling like you had to please a maid or a maid because her favorite was not chosen.

Of course, the bride should be considerate of her maids and their needs as well. Here are five factors I recommend to keep in mind when selecting a bridesmaid dress.

First, is it modest? Christ honoring? Many churches, temples and synagogues have guidelines you must follow, be sure to ask before purchasing your gowns. You should also practice the courtesy rule; go by the maid with the most conservative dress requirements. If you don’t want to have a dress that conservative in your end result, then you need to offer that girl another position in your wedding, instead of asking her to bring reproach on the testimony she has. A good rule of thumb when selecting modest styles is the Sunday worship test; would I wear this to worship services? If not, then you need to keep searching, modest bridesmaids dresses are out there even if you have to have them made; just be careful of the quality appearance. I was thrilled to have a maid come in one day to see the dress that had been selected by the bride; she wanted to see if she would be able to be in the wedding. She told me how people knew she had certain standards and she didn’t want to change them to be in a wedding. She was putting her God before her friend, I am sure the Lord was pleased with that!

Second, is keep in mind the quality of your gown; you don’t want a Dillard vs. Wal-Mart look. This will show up in the pictures.


Third; consider the style of your gown; you don’t want to mix a traditional gown with a contemporary style bridesmaid dress.













Next, is to consider the fabric your gown is made of. Sometimes it really ties the end result together when the fabrics are the same.

Lastly, is to consider the age range and sizes of your maids. I recently had a bride who was the baby of the family which means her sisters were much older and had children. Selecting a dress that was a general style was her best choice covering age and body shape. Typically, empire styles and waist accent dresses are the best for all body styles.

Following these suggestions will help make the best choice for your wedding day. Later, I’ll explain the ordering process.